So I guess I should update or something. nah.

Oh well I'm here anyway. Funny how it seems that i update this junk about every six months or so. Weird.

I was reading back through my journal entries lately, and that's why i'm here. I can see how someone could read those things and just dismiss me as another emo dork on Devart whining about junk but to be honest those past three were just in a really crappy point in my life. So yeah I think I am an emo dork whining on Devart about nothing.

But anyway shut up and quit talking about me theoretical person I'm imagining!

Anydump, I'm at college now and am still pretty alone, but I'm kinda realizing that I'm not alone in being alone (subliminalPolicelyric) thus its not so bad.

College is a strange experience, but I highly recommend it. The level of intelligence is way up and your chances of meeting people who aren't total fucking retards are much better. It's been a pretty good adventure so far, just gotta keep my grades up.

Amanda and I are... well i don't know honestly. We broke up and got back together and then broke up again...sort of. I've been with her for what seems like forever and we're at the point where you've invested a whole lot into a relationship and you kinda need to decide if you're ready to pledge some sort of loyalty. She hates the idea of getting married and frankly so do I, that's why I don't just say "dur get married". My problem is that I honestly can't tell if she's the source of all my problems or if she's my savior. She seems a little bit of both to me and thus i'm confused. How do i make such a retarded decision? How do you decide if you love an ever shifting devil/angel?

Like often times that this sort of thing happens to me I just want to throw it all away because to me this situation is obviously broken? But how can I do that? I've invested almost half a decade into this relationship? No one understands me better than she does? No one. Could I find someone else? Should I?

Such is the game of love. I think I'd rather choose not to play.

Anyway, see ya in six months.